I am kind of fascinated with tattoos. I don’t have any, but when I see people who do have them, I instantly try to evaluate what kind of person they are. What character trait do they possess that I do not? I’d like to think its commitment, but I think I am committed to a lot of things. What is the difference between commitment and consistency? Maybe I am more consistent than committed. I know I am consistent because I have exercised at least 3 times a week, every week for the last 20 years. I’ve been married to the same awesome person for 20 years. I eat almost the same foods everyday. I am probably the most predictable person you would ever meet. Just writing that made me yawn.
Stuck Between Commitment and Consistency
Commitment implies dedication. I’m not sure what this has to do with having tattoos, except when you get something permanently etched on your skin, you should probably be dedicated to it. I’m having trouble figuring out what it is that I am dedicated to. Other words pop up when you look for the meaning of dedication: enthusiasm, tenacity. These are not synonyms for consistency. I wonder if I could somehow use my powers of consistency to be more committed, dedicated, and enthusiastic. I also really want for someone to describe me as tenacious. It just sounds really cool. “That Rachel, she is tenacious.”
I already grew up. My body stopped growing automatically around 20 years ago (20 years seems to be a theme here). Still, I keep wondering why I feel like I am not growing into the person I wish I was. I do read, a lot, and I know I am getting smarter with age, or hopefully, wiser. I am slightly better at making decisions than I used to be. I am a little more responsible than I used to be. Some things have become easier over the years. Teaching has become lots easier because I do it almost every day. Unfortunately, when something becomes easier, it doesn’t mean more fulfilling. Dang it. It turns out I am one of those people who needs challenges to feel like my life has meaning, and to feel that I am still growing.
Stuck Between a Challenge and a Hard Thing
I want to be clear here, I don’t like it when things are hard. Hard and challenging are two very separate things in my book. When I think of hard, I think cement, stony, unbreakable. It makes me tired just thinking about it. There are lots of things in life I consider hard: changing other people, changing the education system, following politics in a coherent way, and lots of other things out of my control. I don’t even like the word-hard. Its not creative. If you look up its word origins, it hasn’t changed at all over time. It just means hard. Like a rock. Now the word challenging, here’s a word I can get behind. Its complex, has multiple meanings, is beautiful, and has a story. It has evolved from the ugly definition of “false accusation” to the now much more recognizable “call to fight.” It is a call to action. This word has a hero’s journey. I envision myself a warrior when I have tackled a challenge. When something is hard, I bang my head up against it until I learn a lesson and walk away.
Sometimes a hard thing looks like a challenge from a far. The closer you get, the more you realize it is probably not worth your time and effort. I know there are many who would disagree, and this could be my avoidance skill coming in to play. Its all about perspective. It all lies in what I choose to view as a challenge, and what I understand to be impossible. Ideally, there should be more challenges than hard things.
Consistently Committed
Remember when I said I was probably the most consistent person I know? Turns out, I am mostly consistent. Just because I exercise every day, brush my teeth everyday, and generally try to do the things to keep myself functioning everyday, does not mean I am consistently moving myself toward success. I have fallen into the procrastination trap too many times when it comes to doing the more challenging things every day. Its time to level up my game, and commit to my goals every single day.I
What are you going to be more consistently committed to? Do you have any tattoos to remind you of those things? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!
